The ordinariness in life

As a child I always wondered (I still do), how famous men & women lead their daily life. Did Gandhi like his day to begin with coffee or tea? How much sugar did he add? Is Kiran Bedi worried about which app is sucking out her phone battery? Does Donald Trump wear the same trouser for 3 days and change his shirts every day or does he change everything every day? I get frustrated that I must wake up 15mins earlier than usual to switch on the geyser. How does Shahrukh Khan manage it, does he at all?

I have not obviously become famous myself to know the answers to these questions. Being in proximity with some of these public figures, I have a few “insights”. For instance, I remember attending a meeting with a Chief Minister at his residence. The snack served was quite bland in taste. I wondered whether it bothered him. Would he sprinkle some salt over it? Would he ask his help to replace all the snacks? It was his house after all. What would I do if someone came to my house and the food served was bland? Is he even paying attention?

I have always been fascinated by movies. The larger than life imagery of people & events makes me feel like it is possible for “glorious” lives to be led.  When Tony Stark invokes the House Party Protocol in Iron Man 3 or the scene ends in Rang De Basanti with DJ, Sukhi & Karan laughing at the face of death, I feel that moment of glory, of triumph. A moment that would be quoted across history as a pivotal point (in the fictional universe of movies, of course). The biographies of Howard Hughes, Milkha Singh etc., had those glorious or mic drop moments. Do such moments exist in “real life?” What do the “heroes” do/think during such moments? Milkha Singh, I read, did not turn back during his race as was depicted in the movie. He just ran to the finish line like all athletes? How undramatic!

Not long ago, I witnessed one of India’s most promising e-Gov platform being launched by the Chief Minister of a State. First, was it a “promising", “historic” or “glorious” moment? Who is deciding? Moving on. The CM had to move the mouse and click for a virtual curtain to be raised on a power point slide. The slide had etched on it the date and name of the programme. This was to be watched by hundreds of government officials across the state and thousands across digital platforms. For hours at a stretch, the team on site was testing the mouse, placing water bottles, marking attendance, printing papers etc. At the stipulated time, CM walked in, moved the mouse, gave a short talk and left the scene. Where were the thunderous applause, the 20 speeches that changed the world, the news channels’ mics, and so on? India’s most promising e-Gov platform had a power point slide curtain raiser for 10 minutes. How uneventful! I wonder if the revered Declaration of Independence in USA was signed in a similar manner. A team putting down chairs, pens, papers etc. Someone shouting at a poor officer for having placed steel tumblers instead of glass tumblers. The forefathers of USA would have walked in, signed, shook hands & walked away. No? I do not know.

What I do today in my life has been something I always wanted to do, since the time I can remember. I read about all the “historic” & “glorious” moments in history. I wished to be part of history that changed lives for the better; that mattered in the long run. Today, I am part of many moments which I believe are changing lives of people for the better, but it does not feel “historic” or “glorious”. There`s no background score, there are no claps or whistles from people around, there are no news channels blaring stories, none of that. If at all, there are dark circles, a paunch for lack of exercise and not eating healthy food regularly, tens of excel sheets which took months to fill, many lost friendships because I couldn’t spare the time/mind space, many arguments with others about what a power point slide should look like, negotiations to make time to pay bills, wash clothes, get the lights repaired and so on, daily walks in the sun, daily disappointments from the world not accommodating me or my belief/idea.

I have witnessed many “glorious” and “historic” events. The question I was always left behind with was “Is what we are doing really important? Why aren’t people expressing gratitude?” Maybe, the effect a moment/person has on a larger group is what makes something “historic” or “glorious”. It probably is not how the event itself turned out to be. Also, why am I focused on the public display of gratitude as if the world were a Tik Tok video? Let me take the 1991 financial reforms in India for instance. It was a very tough time. We were almost bankrupt, we had no reserves, no industry etc. It was a distinctive period in our history when the budget was unveiled by Dr. Manmohan Singh. I do not know if the background music played then, or if there were flowers being thrown from above. In fact, I was not even born then. By the time I was aware of the world around me, I loved the French fries in McDonald’s, the cable channels which played the latest movies, the phones, the computers, the on-time delivery of Swiggy etc. All of this is apparently a direct result of the reforms in 1991. But it is “ordinary” now to eat French fries from McDonald’s. I am used to this life now. I do not want to clap hands or throw flowers for the budget of 1991 every time the delivery agent hands me over my Pad Thai from Namaste Asia. That begs the question, how and who then defines what is impact-ful? Yes, I replaced the words historic, glorious etc. That is how intertwined the brain is.

I have a different version of what “historic” or “glorious” or “impact-ful” means to me today. Maybe it will change after a few years and that is okay. I believe that impact or history is not an event or a situation or a person driven decision. It is a process of continuous strive for improvement where eventually one reaches a place that is distinguishable from where we started. This process is not paved with milestones and awards but with difficult choices every single day. These are not difficult because they are choices of “morality” or “principles”, or “efficiency”. These are every day, “ordinary” choices. Should I sleep a bit longer to make up for late night work or should I push myself for the meeting at 9am? Should I let this excel table have weird colors because nobody may look at it or should I aim to do it as was planned? Should I commit that I am okay travelling every week or should I leave it uncertain so that I can decide on the go basis my convenience? Should I argue in this meeting for my way or should I ask questions to understand the other person’s view; will the other person do the same? Eventually, the sum of these choices will define where we will be. Like A.P.W.B. Dumbledore said, “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” (What is APWB?)

I do not expect people who I look up to in my daily life to be great men/women who take actions in a certain way, my way. I no longer expect “famous men & women” to be perfect in all aspects. (J K Rowling, anyone?). They are defined by their choices too and there is no way of knowing which choice led to what. They are as imperfect as I am. I`m okay if it turns out that Gandhi was that manager who calls you at 11pm to give you a new task. “We need to leave for Dandi tomorrow; by walk”. I`m okay if Kiran Bedi is a person who gets wild if someone speaks to her before she has had her coffee. They too strove to make choices every single day hoping that one day these would lead to some ordinary changes in people’s lives. There were no perfectly choreographed lives. Even Akbar, Chanakya and Rani Chennamma would have woken up with drool in their mouths every single day and binged on some junk every week. I’m sure there was a huge argument on the night of 14^th August 1947 because nobody brought enough lamps for the night. I can imagine someone even grumbling under their breath, “Who wakes up an entire nation at midnight to hoist a flag and give a speech? So pointless to light hundreds of lamps just for an hour’s programme. Could've just done this in the morning. Have the flowers been rolled into the flag? We like flowers to fall from above."

Everybody’s lives are filled with daily ordinary choices which eventually may or may not lead to ordinary changes in others’ lives. Sometimes, there are what may feel like ordinary events which too may or may not lead to ordinary changes in others’ lives. Which viewpoint should I consider when I make the choice today afternoon whether to take a nap or attend that “redundant” work call? Every day, every hour demands ordinary choices to be made which may or may not have ordinary impact. But it will be these choices that will define me.

Maybe even Gandhi pictured his Dandi march with a background score and flowers from above when he lifts the salt in his hand. But, turned out that it felt quite weird to hold a fistful of wet salt for 10 seconds for a few people to see and then having to shout for a handkerchief to wipe his hand. But then again, Martin Luther King Jr. was inspired, and a Civil Disobedience Movement got kicked off.