Having made a significant impact in the lives of 32 kids, I felt confident to move back to the city I called home. Sustainable change was what I had left behind and also, it was the very thing I wanted to bring here. I now had the bandwidth, network and support system to do so much more than I ever could!
Welcomed by an ever smiling HM and 60 bubbling 3rd graders, I felt immediately at home. Being placed in a government school, I now had access to large grounds, spacious classrooms and freedom to move my kids anywhere I wanted. The uniform, food, books etc., were taken care of by the government. I had nothing to worry about, or so I thought! It was a wave that hit me in the face on the very day I started. During lunch, kids in the entire school (strength of 650+) just ran helter skelter, throwing food around, beating each other up, playing, shouting and every bit of chaos you can imagine. I have seen violence, way worse than I've seen here, but this is beyond violence, this is utter chaos!
The same kind of chaos occurred in the morning during assembly, when milk was served, when kids went out for games or recess and when they left for home. There was a genuine possibility of a real stampede and it did happen a few times where few kids went home injured (some quite seriously). Having had an year's experience, I quickly realised I had to get my ground work done and so I visited the community, spoke to the parents and locals around. Unstable financial situations, immigration, lack of hygiene, twisted family structures, domestic violence and above all, lack of a clear sense of direction, for the entire community. This obviously reflected in the school. But there was another angle to this which I didn't realise until after a while, and when I did, I lost my inner spirit!
Every other day, some government official visits the school to "check" it. Initially I was quite impressed with the kind of follow up that was being done. They would come, pull out records, question teachers, students and parents, debrief the staff and come up with list of things to do. As days passed, I began seeing the flaws. I would get pulled out of class every time someone came. The entire staff would go into panic mode and set everything "right". School would be cleaned, tables laid, snacks arranged, kids cleaned up and everything else to ensure, the official gave a good remark. The official would pull out the staff from the classroom and lecture on pedagogy, academics etc., and also about how we need to be in class and not waste time doing our own work. "I was in class!", my inner voice screamed almost loud enough for my neighbour to take notice! And this happened day after day.
Lack of connection between the government's promises and delivery is something that is spoken of a lot. But when you actually experience it, you realise how silly it all is. We have fans in each classroom, but they're not connected. We have light, but it is dangling next to the fan, Which means, if I fix the fan, I still can't switch it on. We have water connection, but no water. We have toilets, but no drainage. We have an RO Water Treatment Plant, but it is not connected to water source. We have huge classrooms, but no benches. To get any one of these things fixed, we have to go through a million posts and to get it done on our own, means spending lakhs together which obviously is impossible for any individual. There was chaos all around me. It was not just the kids or their community but even the set-up here that was just about ticking the boxes rather than actually seeing the work through. Most government meetings end up being an exaggerated ego trip by one of the people present and the whole agenda is lost in the stupidity of it all.
From ensuring the motor is switched on every morning, to fixing a broken tap, to cleaning the school, to ringing the school bell, to locking gates, to playing security guard at gate, to filling cumbersome forms, to finally teaching, I do it all. In one single day!
I had entered this whole journey willing to learn the ground realities and then fix them through great plans of sustainability and efficiency. But now, I have lost all the set of belief systems and plans I had come here with. I am left with nothing but frustration and chaos in my mind which is a mere reflection of what I see day in and day out. Do I ignore the mindless inefficiencies or do I take up the responsibility to fix them? Whichever way I go, I have to sacrifice the other one. Is there a middle ground? I don't think so. Amidst all of this, I see the bright faces of my kids who yearn to learn every minute that I stand in front of them. But do I get to cater to them? That is still a big question mark in my head. Am I doing justice to them? But then again, I cannot be effective if I don't fix the other issues as well.
Being one of the only three 2nd year fellows in the city, I also find myself feeling lonely and disconnected in this battle. Not having people around me with similar context, takes a toll. I see myself getting stretched physically without any major (or minor) results. And this time I am not dealing with a school or mindset, but an entire system of inefficient structures which I just cannot change whatever I do. How can I? I'm no leader. I am, but a mere teacher in one of the hundreds and thousands of such schools. Do I provide solutions for these silly problems on ground level or do I stick to my plan? Because either way, I lose!
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