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City 11 - The Circle of Violence

Recently, a Police Officer died in Punjab because of terrorist violence. On the same day, one of the kids in my school was burnt by his own brother. Why? Because the 7 year old used bad language. A week before that, two kids got into a fight and one of them ended up with a torn eye lid. The father of the “accused” arrived at school and beat up his child with a big cane! Yet another 7 year old demands to be hit by the teachers lest they want him to create chaos in the class.

From probably the beginning of mankind, violence has played a key role. As a society, we might abhor violence but we resort to it ever so often. Our answer for murder is capital punishment, disagreement, is war and argument, a slap! What are we trying to prove here? That violence needs to have its “right reasons?”

This is how I see it and this is how it probably works as well. Child is born. It starts assimilating the countless information that is present. Slowly it starts imitating the other humans around. Parents shout, yell or hit when they’re angry. Immediate association of the emotion becomes violence. Child goes to school, gets angry with a teacher and instinctively beats or yells at the teacher. Teacher sees this, punishes the child by beating him/her. Now, there’s confusion! “I felt angry so I beat my teacher. But why is the teacher beating me for that?” A very brief self-questioning time leads to “I can’t beat adults. Then how do I show my anger? I will beat someone weaker!” You see what I'm getting at here?

Jump to present tense. The kid who got burnt, how do I change his mind-set regarding violence? The child who got caned, how do I convince him that violence is not right? Let’s for argument’s sake assume, I succeed in doing it. What about the violence in the world? What about the people who resort to violence to settle border issues, religious arguments etc? What about their own parents, brothers, sisters and all other adults who resort to violence every now and then, on the road, in a queue, over a phone, with a friend, with a spouse, sometimes with self? How will me just telling the child that violence is wrong, change the realities that they witness day in and day out?

Going back to the child now. How do I convince him that violence is not actually right? The immediate question will be, “How else do I show I'm angry?” “Well child, you can speak it out.” “Oh, really? Who is going to listen to me other than you?” 

“Well, I'll listen for now. We'll get to others in a while!” And that’s it. That is my solution for now. Will it work? Of course not!


How do we fix an issue that cannot be fixed in schools alone? Yes, the children are our future but what about their past? It influences so much of their present which in turn will influence the future. How do we stop a circle from being a circle?

Comments

  1. prachee10 August 2015 at 11:57

    Hi Nikhil,
    Was really moved by this post of yours! you are doing a great job, lot of blessings for you!
    Coming to the issue of "violence" here is my take on it!
    Lets not fix the issue right now or lets not even focus on fixing it! May be the best way to deal with it, is to implant a "non-violent" seed in every kid you are teaching. To make them compassionate for each other, so that when you are not with them they can share with each other and help each other out! I am sure you are already doing this! May be teach them few ways to handle anger. Something like count to 10 if you are angry, or take deep breaths or just have a quiet time sit in a corner and stare at wall/sky/tree etc anything, or may be close your eyes.
    I think when we say we need to tell someone that i am angry with you, our focus shifts from solving the problem to blaming someone else.
    Sometimes we are not angry but we are in disagreement with someone and if the other person is not listening we start shouting or say we are angry. Your kids may already know this difference, just help them identify what is what!
    I would say a person who is angry needs only "compassion" or "love" to come out of that anger. Teach your kids to give "love". Teach them to be "compassionate". I know its very difficult for small kids to understand but then this is the only hope. We can't solve anger by anger.
    Keep up the good work!
    Best Wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  2. prachee10 August 2015 at 11:57

    Hi Nikhil,
    Was really moved by this post of yours! you are doing a great job, lot of blessings for you!
    Coming to the issue of "violence" here is my take on it!
    Lets not fix the issue right now or lets not even focus on fixing it! May be the best way to deal with it, is to implant a "non-violent" seed in every kid you are teaching. To make them compassionate for each other, so that when you are not with them they can share with each other and help each other out! I am sure you are already doing this! May be teach them few ways to handle anger. Something like count to 10 if you are angry, or take deep breaths or just have a quiet time sit in a corner and stare at wall/sky/tree etc anything, or may be close your eyes.
    I think when we say we need to tell someone that i am angry with you, our focus shifts from solving the problem to blaming someone else.
    Sometimes we are not angry but we are in disagreement with someone and if the other person is not listening we start shouting or say we are angry. Your kids may already know this difference, just help them identify what is what!
    I would say a person who is angry needs only "compassion" or "love" to come out of that anger. Teach your kids to give "love". Teach them to be "compassionate". I know its very difficult for small kids to understand but then this is the only hope. We can't solve anger by anger.
    Keep up the good work!
    Best Wishes!

    ReplyDelete

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