Journey for a Dream

“Symptoms, those you believe you recognize, seem to you irrational because you take them in an isolated manner, and you want to interpret them directly.” – Jacques Lacan, French Psychoanalyst. Waking up every morning to a feeling of loss and anxiety, over a period of time shuts down one’s system. The loss, unexplainable. The anxiety, unintended. Put together a lack of direction and you have the most painful and soul sucking emotions – unworthiness and under-confidence. The duo can bring down any human being! One of the most treasured and relied upon emotions I had was anger. It helped me bring an energy to the table that I couldn’t have imagined, every single day. The anger was not misdirected but channeled well. It could get me through difficult situations by the sheer adrenaline that it generated when in need. Most of my time with my kids earlier was spent thus. Failures didn’t matter because every morning I would be filled with anger that fueled my perseverance. I believ...

Insider Trading, Corruption, Nepotism, Favouritism, Conflict of Interest – these are all words one can hear often when Government/Politics is being discussed. These are also words that have enough destructive power to overthrow governments, cause great losses to society and sometimes even death. In an interview with Robert Frost, long after the Watergate scandal broke out, Richard Nixon shouted “When the President does it that means it is not illegal”. When Nixon would’ve directly/indirectly ordered the tapping of phones, was he fully aware of his actions? Did he know what the gravity of the matter was? When I first watched the interview, I found the incident too far to relate to. When the 2G Scam and the Coal Scam broke out, it still was all in the air. I knew it was wrong but I didn’t quite understand the core of it. For more than a year now I have been working with a state government very closely. Associated with its highest office and with an extremely broad mandate, I have a...

“He who would accomplish little must sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much; he who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly”- James Allen I have always been at peace with the fact that I have and will have to forgo a lot in order to achieve what I wish to. It starts with a party you wanted to attend with a few friends, moves on to a wedding of a close relative, then on to some material comforts, further along to some relationships you built over years and before you know it you reach a phase where you’re efficiently maneuvering life’s obstacles in order to maintain the focus on your aspirations, on “what matters most!” When Gandhi sailed to India after his stint in Africa, did he realize that he will one day have to sacrifice everything he has, including his life, just to ensure freedom? Was he okay with it? There’s no way of knowing. But questions like these and stories such as his have always inspired me to strive harder. To take the pain beca...

The NDLS-CDG Shatabdi makes its way through the onslaught of raindrops towards its destination, Chandigarh; the city beautiful. One of the richest and most fertile belts in India, part of the massive road built by Sher Shah Suri, the Grand Trunk Road (GT Road) from New Delhi to Chandigarh has been my most frequented path this past year. Working with the state of Haryana on its flagship initiative, the Chief Minister’s Good Governance Associates, I have witnessed and been associated in a multitude of decisions that got taken in the hallowed buildings of “Sarkar” (Government)! Sitting on the last seat of the AC coach in Shatabdi, I look at all the people sitting and living their lives in their own way, oblivious to my existence. Just a few days ago, I was listing out to one of my friends all the things we have been able to achieve this last year in the state. At the end of it, it struck me that nobody would ever know or speak of all this say 10 years down the line. May...

As I wait for my early morning flight with heavy eyes and some disorientation, I feel surprised I'm not the least bit irritated or annoyed at it. I've always had trouble with being physically drained out, it makes me cranky. But today, the 7th night in a row that I've slept for less than 3 hours, I feel satisfied, at peace!  It has been a maddening week and I could use a good sleep but my mind keeps racing back to yesterday's meeting with the Chief Minister. There has been an average of 10-15% reduction in public grievances in the state, read one of the many achievements on the slide. I didn't think of it much then. It was just a number. But now, I'm not sure of the emotions running around thinking about what that actually means, changing lives at a massive scale, an entire state. Multiple institutions cutting across various departments have been impacted, indirectly reaching tens of thousands of people. I have never even seen so many people. May be that i...

"Take a leap of faith," I said to myself not long ago. The decision to choose career over other things had arrived too early on, but the jump was too big to let go. The amount of learning that could happen, the amount of depth I could gain and above all that, the trust that my people placed in me that I could achieve, pushed me to pursue, working from the highest office in a state government! Within a week, the shiny halo around it started seeming like a crown of thorns! The learning curve has been steep over the past few months. So steep, that sometimes I shudder to even look back at how far I've come. I've always loved that, when I can learn a lot in very little time, it gives me a sense of being. The pace at which things have happened, on multiple fronts in my life, make me wonder if it all is leading to something or I'm just being pushed around by events. Banking on my willingness and capability to learn, I made the leap of faith into the role that I fel...

Disclaimer: Originally published on  https://www.fourthlion.in/ - Click here to go to the original article “ ...the street smart politician is better at making the wheels of the bureaucracy creak, however slowly in favour of his constituents” said RBI Governor Mr. Raghuram Rajan in a recent speech. We often hear similar statements from politicians, academicians and the general public. The statements more often than not use adjectives such as slow, creaky, rusty etc., for the “government machinery”. I think it’s fair to say that these hold the bureaucracy responsible for all the frustration in working with the government. Having been in close contact with top bureaucrats in the country and also the ones far below in the food chain and having worked with them for a while now, I find the above statements grossly unjustified. I’m not saying that the system isn’t slow but that there’s only so little that the system can do in its present state. Firstly, what is a system if not ...

Adaptation is an evolutionary trait in all life forms! But it doesn't explain why and how life on a daily basis cannot adapt to the changing environment, relations, situations and above all, idea of self! What makes up an ideal transition into a "new" life? Throughout the 3 hour flight to Delhi, I was both anxious and excited. Excited because what I had been wanting to do for 12 years, was waiting for me. Anxious because, well, what if I'm not ready? What if I don't fit in? What if I had made a wrong choice? What if the 12 year me was wrong? As I stepped foot onto the hard ground, the first thing to hit me was of course the heat. But then, indifference took over! I was travelling with colleagues who I had barely been introduced to. I had no clue what lay ahead at the company retreat (yes, that’s how I got to start my new job) and to be honest I didn't even try to find out. I was still getting over the fellowship and the insane heat (that I've never b...